The Measure of a Father

My father passed away on 11 March 2011. While death is one of the most difficult subjects to discuss with anyone, it is an opportunity to reflect on a good life and the measure of what one leaves behind in ways of values, ideals, good deeds and meaningfulness.  Death allows us each to reflect on the past, improve the future and find the bits and pieces which best demonstrate how to do good, live well and be the change we wish to see in the world.

Frugality is one of the many words  explaining my father; He did not own much in possessions which most other people would consider important – he had books and experiences, a few pieces of art. My father valued being learned, having literacy and the capacity for compassion/empathy.  He believed in experiences, supporting causes and being positive about the possibilities ahead  and this was a wonderful legacy to pass on.  Very few people knew he was even ill.  He treated his cancer as an inconvenience to his living…..

Frugality meant using the library, having all the money you desired for books, magazines, models to build to help you understand math, science, history – it meant being wise about money and using it in a purposeful manner.  There was no greater goal than to be educated as this led to self efficacy and a keen responsibility to others.  Frugality meant not having everything handed to me – I had to work to earn things, even though I did receive dispensation along the way (allowance, college tuition as an undergrad, used car….I paid the insurance, gas, repairs!).  Frugality meant saving money from the time I probably first understood what a quarter was and that 2/3 of the value should be put away for some future need or endeavor and not wasted on a moment of abandon.

Becoming a life long learner did not happen by accident, rather it happened by choice (my father’s). The capacity for questioning/discovering, finding things interesting and knowing the world was my  oyster is the best thing any parent can instill – EVER.  As I went through the book-case (my father was a pharmacist and a teacher) I realized my father very much lived his values. I had been through the book-case many times to select something to read and this time it was to evaluate what was near and dear to my father’s heart.

Frugality meant finding things of value at second-hand stores and not always needing the most expensive, immediately advertised gizmo (we were often not early adopters 🙂  .   Despite frugality, I always had a sense of abundance as many things of value can be experienced on a shoe string budget.  My father was a first generation American from parents who survived the craziness of Poland/Russia for the craziness of the American Depression Era.  This man passed along a greater value than a large house and ‘stuff’ – he passed along the value of a quality life, which is substantially different.

As I walked through his apartment, I noticed all the magazines he loved – everything from The New Yorker and Smithsonian to Kiplinger, Road Scholar, anything about pharmacy and science, etc. He just wanted to be aware and in the know of the world.    Friends came by and the most important thing they wished for as remembrance were books…..books my dad had found at garage sales, books from library give away bins, books handed over to him for some type of safe keeping.  His friends wanted books because that was what they really knew of my father, besides friendship was his endorsement of reading and learning. So, I gave away the bridge, chess, finance books – things I don’t really have an interest in, and when I do, will obtain books on these subjects.  I gave away history books to my aunt for her son.  I gave away book ends to another.  It was so interesting how each person truly valued these gifts (these were not books of high value due to age) and knew this would keep the memory of my father alive.  Each time I gave something away, yet another person stated how they had enjoyed discussing subject x,y, and z with my father as he loved to learn.  I truly felt I was giving away both a memory and a very special gift.

Different books had book marks in them – some merely scraps of paper with notes he wrote to himself about this page or that, some tidbit of knowledge to be learned well and share with others.  My father was left-handed so sometimes this scribbles were not the easiest to decipher.

There were coins saved in a container called ‘sunsets’, apparently for a future time where he  might have wanted one more book at the end of the day.   There were notes, cartoons (humor enthusiast would not cover it all), no TV (it was not an object of value or something to covet even, except maybe for Washington Week and 60 Minutes), no gorgeous furniture – just simple things. I found a mechanical watch which was interesting for the ‘mechanism’ being exposed,  a slide rule (really old school math!) and so forth. These treasures are what will keep my father alive in my memory.

I have not finished (nor will I ever, most likely) processing his death, what it means to me in entirety or how he lived.  What I have done is find a tradition to pass down and pass on – the value and power of learning.  I have found a best cause for my endeavors and know, being a teacher myself, the gift of reading and knowledge is more than the sum of its parts.

It has been 10 days since my father died.  He is constantly on my mind as I miss our chats about politics, world events, stupidity in humans….you name it.  Most of all, I miss the philosophical discussions which would have allowed both of us to discuss the following article.  Even better was that my dad did not have a number’ in mind….he just lived.  ‘http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/03/21/after-a-diagnosis-wishing-for-a-magic-number/

Measure E in Alameda, California

Over the weeks, I have been reading the pros and cons of peoples beliefs in various newspapers and have entered into many conversations. I say belief system as not one op ed piece, not one letter to the editor or one conversation addressed anything more than a ‘belief’.  When I asked people the following questions in conversation, people did not know and could not discuss due to the lack of knowledge which created even more support for a belief system rather than a system of actual fact in how Measure E money would benefit the school district.

So, with this in mind, I pose the following to the residents of Alameda as they posture in all different directions on Measure E.  I believe Alameda Islanders should be informed before they vote and not merely marketed at/to.

Which school board meeting did you last attend?

What happened with the monies for Measure H?

Do you know who the last three superintendents of AUSD were? Do you know where the most recent pro tem superintendent, after being golden parachuted, is serving?

What is a charter school? How does ACLC, NEA and the ‘new’ version of a charter school at Chipman work and affect the finances of AUSD?

Do you know who is on the board of the ‘new’ charter school which will replace Chipman? If you understand what a charter school is about, you will understand why it is important to know who(m) is on the board.

What is the life span of many curricular programs in AUSD?  I can speak to two of them -(1) A math program including alternative credentialing from CSUEB with Mr. Phil Gonsalves, which many teachers were not ‘inspired’ enough to follow and either intentionally or inadverdantly subverted – 3 years, 4 years at most of existence. (2) Social behavior program from Chipman, so poorly introduced to teachers at Wood that it was disdained by most and only truly followed by those without tenure. Interestingly, teachers at Chipman were ‘forced’ into supporting this belief system which was to be shared/dropped on staff at Wood without staff at Wood even aware. That lasted maybe 1 year at Wood and the principal was gone, the principal from Chipman is the Head of HR for AUSD and Chipman is now becoming a charter school. Maybe 5 -6 years for the character program.  REACH, Math Intervention and all the other programs to raise the scores? At least four years but with rotating teachers as the curriculum was mindless, boring and did not show more than small gains in test scores from Gr 6 and beyond.

Past principal at Wood (there have been so many, but this one was mine) had a staff meeting where teachers were asked to explain what they would do to raise the test scores of black and brown kids in their classrooms.  When I raised my hand and stated this offended me as melanin has never been proven to be related to inteligence, I became the ‘target’ in the shotgun for said principal. This principal did indeed continue to discuss the black and brown kids at Wood (and yes, I am white).

When the census is done, it will be interesting to see the actual numbers of students allocated to housing units on the island versus what is actually in the schools as many students enrolled in the schools use Alameda addresses but live elsewhere, boosting the student populations of our schools.  The only way I know this is students ‘told’ me at various times and what I hear from various people I talk to who use Alameda addresses.  I have no way to give exact numbers but I do know little has been done to track this inflow of outsiders as more student population supports the district via ADA.

The disparity between schools within less than a one mile radiius is overwhelming.  I had the opportunity years ago to see Franklin School and realized their PTA pumped in enormous dollars, alarming in relation to other elementary schools on the island. Instead of the school board setting a cap and asking the additional monies to be shared equitably across other schools so all students could learn, Franklin (and most likely Lincoln Middle and schools on Bayfarm) became the premier institution of education while other schools struggled.  When I brought this up to school board members, it was hush hushed and probably continues to persist.

Do you know who takes care of the school libraries? Do you know how textbooks are ‘controlled’ so that they can be kept track of (or not)? The monies lost each year on textbooks is amazing, especially when they later show up in ‘storage’ – how do I know? I helped re-organize the science and math departments while at Wood. It was unbelieveable what was in ‘storage’ but actually listed as lost in the library.

Wood School has had a revolving door on principals, vice principals and teachers. I feel this is similar at other schools. The costs of having revolving doors on hiring staff is extremely costly which is why most people in HR really struggle to find the right fit.  With the turnover in AUSD, I feel safe in saying money goes out the door just in this regard.  The past three superintendents were found towards the end of their career – finally we have one at mid career and hopefully the issues surrounding AUSD will not create a vortex where she feels compelled to leave.

Many of you may be reading this thinking I am a disgruntled teacher – nothing could be farther from the truth. My first group of  Algebra and Science students  from Wood graduate this year. I bump into them now and then at the library, on the street, at the movies – all over. They are wonderful young women and men and it will be a privilege to see them go off to college and pursue their dreams and change the world.  I am a teacher humbled by seeing them grown up.  I only hope I was able to teach them enough about evaluating the evidence so they can make good decisions in their life.

I have remained a close friend to many of the teachers from Wood who left at the same time I did to pursue teaching in other districts.  In spite of how we were treated professionally, we each found our niche in education. In some ways, AUSD is no different from other school districts lacking the public involvement in what goes on at the schools. In other respects, AUSD is vastly different as the community is so small and secluded, as an island tends to be.

Hopefully, after reading what I wrote, people will reflect upon the various issues surrounding Measure E and rather than vote on beliefs, vote on some information. An ounce of prevention is better than a pound of cure, or so the saying goes.  Make a point to attend a school board meeting. Get to know what really goes on at your local school – don’t be such a stranger, volunteer. As a community, we can effect more change than any amount of money.

Where bullying might come from…….

Yesterday was one of the few days I was able to get to the library before it opened. At these times I am still often surprised by the shear number of people waiting to get into the library – there happened to be a diverse crowd by age and race and sex. Within the crowd were parents with children under 10. The parent/child group is the one I usually find most interesting to observe as the parent child relationship is so very interesting and telling.
Although I observe in silence, I must have a face that lends itself for people to talk to me – and they do. I could be on the subway in NYC, a train in Italy, coffee anywhere and people talk to me. So a gentleman probably in his late 50’s to early 60’s started talking with me as he was apparently making the same observation as myself.
I happened to be observing a mother and probably eight year old boy. At one point I had to back up as the mother and the child were pushing each other and rough housing. I didn’t mind, there was plenty of space for everyone, I just did not feel like being bumped as I had my laptop in my backpack. The mother and child were hip bumping, body thrusting and wacking each other, at first playfully and then the boy began to get more aggressive, including intentionally and quite hard, stepping on the mothers feet. She kept stating in an escalating voice she had a nice shield around her which seemed to be what was making the boy act up, as if to get through the ‘nice’ shield.
Suffice it to say, I was not the only person who backed up. I was not the only person to feel the interaction was somewhat inappropriate and not quite ‘loving’ as one might expect from a parent and child on a trip to the library. I said nothing to the mother.
Eventually the man started talking to me about how his wife would not tolerate that behavior from their children – she was strict. He asked me if I thought it was sad the way the young boy was acting towards his mother. I agreed with him and said it made me uncomfortable as that behavior at home does not transfer well to school and as a teacher I have to be the meany/bad person and ask a child not to act that way with classmates. I explained how I wished parents would think about behavior in other contexts and what example they were setting for their child.
The whole discussion was in a normal tone of voice and everyone around us was talking. I would have told the mother exactly the same thing as her son was abusive (from what I observed and clearly what this other gentleman perceived). I did not speak directly to the mother as it seemed she had her hands full and clearly speaking to her in front of a group of people would not make a good impression. I went back to what I was doing (reading something off my iPhone) and just backed up some more.
When the library opened, the typical crowding at the door occurred so I just waited. The young boy ran and pushed into others. The gentleman who had been talking with me commented – I don’t exactly even remember what he said. I was quite appalled the mother did not stop the son, even verbally. My comment to the man was that it was disappointing when parents lack parenting skills and the rest of us have to tolerate it, or in my case deal with it at school because the self same overall behavior (I observed between mother and son) to a classmate of the child would have been bullying.
Needless to say, the mother felt compelled to talk to me and tell me what a great relationship she had with her son and she did not understand the ‘problem’. I explained the problem was the behavior would not translate well to other situations. She was not pleased by this idea and tried to defend herself by saying I couldn’t understand as I don’t have a child. My final response was, no, I don’t understand as I have to manage 30-35 children at a time, not just one and the behavior is unacceptable. I completely lacked the courage to tell her I felt sorry for her and the fact that her child clearly took advantage of her or that it seemed she needed to set some boundaries. My guess is she has or will hear the message from some teacher at school as no one would tolerate the behavior.
While I only made my own quiet observation to go by, some one else felt the same way and spoke to me about it – I did not start the conversation. I have reason to believe other people were stymied by the unfortunate behavior and did not know what to say themselves.
So, for the record, bullying does not happen in isolation. Bullying does not suddenly come on the scene and is generally not learned at school from others – bullying is a behavior from home and the way a child perceives interactions between themselves and their parents, theirselves and their siblings and most of all, the interplay between mom and dad. It is unfortunate people feel so surprised by bullying when it is right within eyesight and earshot and even as some one who is outspoken, I did not quite have the words for this parent.

http://www.hirecentrix.com/how-to-handle-bullies-at-work.html

Back to the Pre-Stone Age

http://www.boingboing.net/2009/09/13/philadelphia-free-li.html

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/09/25/world/africa/25safrica.html?_r=1&hpw

I am positive if America just works a teensy bit harder at it, they can be just like post apartheid S. Africa.  Picture kids in Philly protesting for a library, much like the students in the second article posted above.

For those of you who are dubious of the similarities between the two articles, consider the following:

It is more effective to control a population by denying them 10 years of education than to drop a bomb.  The bomb just randomly kills people and you may leave some smart ones behind, but if you don’t educate them, think Apartheid in S. Africa, you can control them!

So, for those of you who shun ignorance in all its permutations, including the above, please donate to below:

http://www.booksforafrica.org/