Dear Parents of All Students at Public, Private, Charter and other K-College Schools,

I have longed to write this letter for so long and finally I have something which allows me to compel  school administrators to GROW A SPINE!   http://www.nytimes.com/2010/10/26/education/26bully.html?hpw

and for parents who believe private schools do not have this problem: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/10/30/opinion/30blow.html?hp

The tide of change is now focusing on parental behavior(s) instead of blaming teachers for everything which does or does not occur in a classroom.  Administrators are now going to need to hold parents accountable for the egregious actions their child perpetuates on others and how it effects classroom learning.

In a 10-page letter to be sent on Tuesday to thousands of school districts and colleges, the Department of Education urges the nation’s educators to ensure that they are complying with their responsibilities to prevent harassment, as laid out in federal laws.

The sentence is simple, direct and  clear.  No Teacher needs to feel embarrased anymore about having to go to administrators for help around classroom discipline issues as if we are incapable and administrators have to stop pushing back on teachers and treating them as incompetent when behavioral issues (the vast majority are bullying related in some form or another) are out of control.   Administrators – you no longer need to worry about how the numbers look regarding suspensions at your school as much as you need to start worrying about the reports from teachers and parents (who need to be given the power to advocate for their child) about you simply being to weak to do your job.  Talking to children will no longer be as sufficient as adequate action.

The department issued the letter to clarify the legal responsibilities of the authorities in public schools and in colleges and universities under federal laws, the officials said. Certain forms of student bullying might violate federal anti-discrimination law.

“I am writing to remind you that some student misconduct that falls under a school’s anti-bullying policy also may trigger responsibilities under one or more of the federal anti-discrimination laws,” says the letter, signed by Russlynn H. Ali, assistant secretary for civil rights.

“Harassing conduct may take many forms, including verbal acts and name-calling; graphic and written statements, which may include use of cellphones or the Internet; or other conduct that may be physically threatening, harmful, or humiliating,” the letter says. “Harassment does not have to include intent to harm, be directed at a specific target, or involve repeated incidents. Harassment creates a hostile environment when the conduct is sufficiently severe, pervasive, or persistent so as to interfere with or limit a student’s ability to participate in or benefit from the services, activities, or opportunities offered by a school.”

Parents, please take some notes:

(1) As your child’s teacher, I am going to give you a warning about your child’s behavior and then escalate the issue as your child’s behavior PREVENTS some or all of the students in my classroom from learning and this is intolerable. It is your responsibility as a parent to work with your child to change behavior and/or get appropriate help to manage your child. You have a responsibility to the community as a whole.

(2) As a teacher, I am going to demand my administrators and school board do everything allowable by law to make you and your child comply with making my classroom a place of learning and not dealing with the inappropriate behaviors of your child because you have abdicated parenting.   I want the other students in my classroom to view school as a wonderful experience, not a scary one.

(3) You do not have permission to bully or harass me about your child’s behavior and how it effects their grades.  As necessary, I will invite you to come to school so you can do the appropriate parenting you are not doing at home.  I can not be solely responsible for what has not happened during the 5+ years your child has been with you.  I can and will expect support from my administrators so I may do my job effectively.

(4) Parents of children being bullied and not being able to learn – please know that I am now empowered to do something and you no longer need to feel I am not doing anything at  all  as a teacher.  In fact, I will explicitly help you drive home the message to administrators of what needs to change (I was already doing this personally, however my administrators lacked spine).

(5) The sign(s) on my wall about discipline and behavior are not just signs to cover a wall in poor condition – they are a clear statement of what will happen when student behavior prevents learning in my classroom.  I expect you to work with your children at home to change their behavior.  If you find you need more help/support on how to work with your child, I will gladly help you find school and community resources.  I will work with you to learn how to limit the things which reward your child for inappropriate behavior – TV, iPhone, cell phone, computer and so on as I know for certain no one has ever died from a lack of these things (I have lived in third world countries and saw it/experienced it first hand).

Respectfully,

The Teacher/Professor of Your Child while at SchoolP.S. – Two really important sources: Groundspark, Southern Poverty Law Center

Further update 8 November 2010: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/11/07/us/07bully.html?hpw

Update: 24 November 2010

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/11/21/opinion/21friedman.html?_r=1&src=me&ref=homepage

Paragraph Five and the last paragraph.  I don’t need to make a comment – Mr. Friedman said it nicely!

‘It’s Elementary’ and it is so much bigger than that….

http://www.alamedacare.org/

http://groundspark.org/

I am a very fortunate person to live in the bay area of Northern California and more importantly a community which is starting to actively diversify and deal with the multitude of challanges which come from being inclusive after years of  ‘exclusivity’ (mainly for white people).  Rarely do people get to be some place during the change process to observe what is happening – usually it is after the fact that people dissect what happened in historical detail.  Being a community member has its priveleges!

As one might expect, anyplace which resembles a chunk of Des Moines, IA thrown down at the beach has some of the same mid-west proclivities and so I have also watched as the community matures.  In spite of being spitting distance from Berkeley, Oakland and San Francisco, Alameda has remained to some degree pretentious.  When I first arrived in Alameda, I met up with many women at The First Christian Church of Alameda who made quilts for the police and fire department to give to children in need when emergencies of all varieties occurred. I found the group through a’ to do’ list in a local newspaper and since I quilt, decided this was a great way to find out more of the community.  It turns out that six months later I ended up working with the son of one of the women from the church quilting group and that was when I realized I had integrated into the community (a concept I learned through Peace Corps).    As time moved on, I became a devotee’ of Julie’s Tea House and met the artsy crowd, got to know my way around Jingle Town (technically Oakland) and slowly but surely watched the evolution of a community post military base.  I volunteer at and participate in the slow conversion of Alameda Point to something post military and more meaningful to the community, I have taught in the community and have actively participated in all manner of multicultural events.  In the summer of 2010, I worked for the U. S. Census Bureau and really got to know Alameda in a deeper manner.   Except for the times when I have seen all manner of hate strewn in newspaper articles from people trying to make a point regarding how Alameda should develop or hear people joke about a somewhat recent past reality of DWB (driving while black), it is a pleasant community to live in.

As with any community, it takes time to get to know one another and Zoe at the Alameda Multicultural Community Center has gone above and beyond in this regard. I am constantly amazed at all the wonderful things she is aware of and brings to Alameda so we can be literally and figuratively educated.  Most recently she brought the community together with Alameda Community Alliance Resource for Education and the AUSD school board to view ‘It’s Elementary’  by the great people at Groundspark in San Francisco, regarding the bigger concept of bullying and more specifically the bullying of one particular group, gay/lesbian/transgender.   The movie was particularly important in light of all the horrible events of the last month within our own country but on a larger note, it was a moment to reflect on who we are and what we are about.

While I can not begin to know the issues of gay/lesbian and transgender people as I am straight, I can reflect on hate I have felt for being – Jewish, Female, chubby, short, not always politicallly correct (clearly I will not ever run for elected office as I do tell the truth), being nerdy, un-athletic, and so on.  It is not pleasant to be disliked, teased, tormented or  hated for any reason and while we all know to some degree what it feels like (some of us in more abstract ways), it is always important not to condone disrespectful and hurtful behavior.  Even more so it is important to educate and hold people accountable for doing something extrenuous to community and U.S. norms.   The privilege of living in the U.S.  is ascribing to the value of diversity and uniqueness is what makes us great – not better (look these concepts up in a thesaurus if you need clarification).

When we allow any one person or any group to step out of line, we extend the boundary and make it safe for something worse to occur.  While it is never easy to call some one or group on their behavior, it is up to each of us to define our boundaries of tolerance for others who are definitely not like us. When we do not establish boundaries of tolerance, we allow hate to fester and nothing good has ever resulted from this (most recently a minister in FL who wanted to burn a Quoran to make a point – the point was lost on me).   It is awkward to face our prejudices and notions of the ‘other’ and yet we must because deep down, that person is more like us than we realize.  In fact, I have heard it said that the very things we find unappealing in another is something we dislike about ourselves or fear happening to ourselves so we practice avoidance.  Avoidance is distinctly different from practicing hate.

At the end of the movie there was a discussion and different community members spoke as well as different staff members from AUSD.  What ultimately broke my heart and made me realize we have a lot of work ahead of us was when a parent addressed an AUSD staff member about their child being bullied and when would the ‘curriculum’ (anti-bullying) be rolled out, as if it were only through the curriculum that hate could be allayed.  The staff member proceeded to explain how nothing has been ‘normal’ in Alameda with all the budget cuts and such – a very politically correct way (totally inappropriate) to address the parent.  I had to speak out and ask why we needed to have a curriculum in order to stop bullying……..I can not imagine we need books to learn human kindness and community values.  To me it seemed evident that the school district or the community at large has not really moved close enough to setting boundaries of tolerance.  The sooner we set the boundaries, the sooner we can reel in the unacceptable and hurtful behavior.

I hope the community at large bands together to address bullying at our schools – it is not just a school thing – it is indicative of children who have learned it from their parents and are being allowed to practice something unsuitable for our community because so many are scared of speaking out. 

 We collectively  need to find our voice to give respect to all.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/11/07/us/07bully.html?hpw