What bad parenting looks like, sounds like and feels like to everyone

For anyone who did not previously read what is below, here is yet one more reason why I write and say exactly what I think, no matter how much it ruffles feathers.







As I have always known, money can not buy good judgement or taste.  If anything, money allows one to have other people apply their ‘taste’ to your home decorating and money allows you to purchase the services of a better, shrewder attorney.

In the case of parenting, money is (fortunately) not necessary for being a good parent.  As is the case with Herbert E. Nass, Jodi Nass and their son, their money would be better spent on intensive family counseling than a wasted law suit trying to cast blame on others for their own sons poor choices.

How on earth could any parent, with any consciousness whatsoever, allow their son to have had video conferencing with a topless female, keep said video conferencing on sons computer and hope NOTHING would happen.  This misconception is a bit passe’ in the world of technology we live in.

First off, would it have been different if their son was downloading porn or video chatting with a ‘certified’ prostitute?  Probably not, it would have been appropriate fees for service and that is all it would be.  Should their son be keeping pornography on a computer which other students might see? Of course not.  Of course, Mr. Nass may have been taking peeps at the video call so why would he want it removed?  Is it appropriate to teach a 10th Grader to objectify women?  Why would Mrs. Nass want her son to objectify women unless she allows her husband and son to do it to her?

Second – why would parents allow/encourage their son to humiliate/objectify ANY female? Imagine how this young lady feels after having been ‘literally’ exposed to almost the whole school? Their son has no concept of what discretion might be or should be.

Nass, the son, made some bad choices and his parents are now trying to cover the bad choices rather than hold their son accountable. It is apparent bad choices are perhaps a way of life for them and they have sufficient money to ‘cover’ the errors.  There is nothing anyone else did after their son had the video conference with the topless young woman that can change the outcome. What he did was wrong (whether she was consenting or not- I doubt they would be happy if their own daughter had phone chatted topless with a young man) on all counts.  The fact that he got caught at doing bad things is secondary to bad choices.

College and university applications/acceptance?  I am thinking the Nass parents would be well served to have their son do community service and get counseling to demonstrate he really has a conscience. Colleges and universities look favorably on those behaviors and not so much on trying to buy ones way into a college, even though the Bush (President) family has managed this trick quite well.

The Nass family is an interesting study in money – Mr. Nass changed his will.  I am positive Horace Mann School will be the better for not receiving money from anything so tainted.  How would one ever explain being paid money to ‘cover up’ a young man and his indiscretions when that is NOT what school is even about?

Hopefully the judge will throw this out as a frivolous waste of money and time for the court.  I would think Horace Mann School would by now get rid of the son/family. I can’t imagine desiring to send a child to a school where parents pay for covering indiscretions…….it would always make me wonder what the real agenda of the school was about.

Post Script on 30 October 2010 http://www.nytimes.com/2010/10/30/opinion/30blow.html?hp

It would appear that little boys and young adult males, particularly at religious private schools, demonstrate behavioral characteristics of their parents as these behaviors are learned at home well before children go into the classroom.

And once again, parents have the opportunity to amaze the rest of us with what they are teaching their children:


Updated 9 January 2012- I am not sure what to add except to state it is clear in what I wrote above and from the video URL below, young men learn a behavior due to believing what is taught at home, in the community and what is ACCEPTED.



Updated 18 September 2013 – Each time I think there will not be more to add to this piece, something worse ends up happening.  Clearly the Nass family and many others believe wealth can buy ones way out of inappropriate, immature, and suicide causing actions.  We as a society need to examine what is so wrong with us we are willing to cause this much pain – pain which radiated out out from a family, through a school, into a community and made an international magazine.  I am nauseated from what I read and I am crying.  I am not sure why we do not expect parents to help their children develop a sense of right and wrong, pride in good behavior and to feel shame.  Maybe the Nass family can explain as they took this behavior to an art form.


18 thoughts on “What bad parenting looks like, sounds like and feels like to everyone

  1. You don’t know how right you are. Classmates of mine (which by the way also include Eliot Spitzer in our now-becoming-infamous class), Herb and Jodi Nass are probably not the introspective, self-analytic type of parents. In fact, Herb had an incident with a backpack not too unlike his son’s and never had any consequences. His “MO” may have just blown up, with his son’s reaping the results.

  2. I wanted to throw in this is not unique to this family, unfortunately I don’t run in the circles where I have the correct info to cite examples and although I have taught at a posh/prestigious private school, their own alums cause enough problems for them.

  3. This is an amazing revelation from you Karen D.Athanassiadis member of the infamous class of ’77 who managed to have a ménage à trois with your fellow classmates. How are you going to explain that to your young son and husband? What were your consequences?

    Amazing how you can rationalize your life away!

  4. Thank you for sharing this legal analysis. I am not in anyway knowledgeable of law other than it pertains to myself behaving correctly.
    Whether the case wins or loses in court, for whatever merit, does not diminish the low grade parenting skills. While the law stipulates particular situations and delineates punishments for said items, the law in and of itself does not promote a sense of moral purpose.
    As a teacher and a female, I would be horrified to have had a student(s) involved in something like this and parents wishing to ‘purchase’ their way out of it. I am thinking as a parent one should be horrified by a child’s very real impropriety – legal or otherwise. Asking the school to take the blow on a technicality diminishes the Nass’s power over their son and their willingness to hold him accountable. I wonder if the outcome would be different if the son was 18, in college, on a trip for a summer job and this happened. Once you slightly alter the circumstances, it becomes much more ugly, not less. Clearly Nass Jr. needs a lesson in how to respect others, be they female or otherwise.

  5. As a “Professional Educator” and female, you are very good a criticizing parents and a student you have never met or know. You are so bitter and angry at these parents and young man, you gloss over a very important fact, how did this young man get these photos? In fact, they were sent to him via video chat and email by these sexually charged girls, who were raised by parents/mothers who have not taught these girls to respect their own bodies and sexual images!
    Are you also supporting the boys who broke into this young man’s computer? I would hate for you to be my teacher.

  6. Thank you for your comment. For clarification, I want to note that I was addressing the parents and son who were suing the school and using that as the basis of my blog. If the young woman and her family were suing the Nass Family, I can assure you I would not be reticent in going after her and her family for raising her to believe the only part of her with value is below the neck.
    I am angry, not bitter, that a wealthy family is trying to buy it’s way out of situation where both poor judgement and discretion were used by a minor and now by parents who are defending their son from any responsibility.
    I am not supporting the boys who broke into the computer – again, the young men and their families are not suing the school and were apparently dealt with.
    No one can be your teacher – you mind is too closed to learn. I am sure as you mature and learn to allow yourself to hear conflicting views, you will become adept at writing in a manner which demonstrates your intellectual prowess.

  7. Horace Mann is such an ugly place, it is amazing how they would spend their time setting up a blog to try to defend themselves. Time would be better spent on getting appropriate speakers and training their own students to have repsectful manners, what a cess pool!

  8. Lance – I have never been to the school. In regards to their reputation, they probably do want to improve it or sanitize it in the way big corporations are apt to do when something goes badly amiss. I am with you – educating PARENTS and assisting them in raising children with values, ethics and morals is money far better spent, however, I do not rule the world, I merely get to comment on it.

  9. Are you blind? You think “Mr. Nass” is the only kid in the world who video chats with other naked women? Ha! Don’t be foolish. Kids, from fantastic families, do it all the time. You know zero about the parents or kid and you are suddenly coming to all these conclusions. There is a reason why your blog is so useless and unimportant – because you write bias lies and assumptions about people you seem to have vendetta against.

  10. Randolfo- Thank you for reading my blog. I am guessing you read it in a hurry and missed the point I was trying to make.
    In America we have ‘rule of law’ so even though many own guns and can use them to hunt or go to the shooting range, etc., when they shoot a person for no reason (say during a burglary) it is considered criminal. This is how the rule of law is applied in civilized society.
    In the case of the Nass son, this is a moral/ethical issue. In civilized society, the young son had behavior which, although extremely common (probably even more then you might guess) is morally and ethically repugnant. Depending on the circumstances, it could have been criminal but it did not go to court so I don’t know.
    I have nothing against the kid. I have a lot against the situation – of making a young woman victim to his exploitative and sexual needs. I have a problem with parents who accept this type of behavior and then even ‘condone’ it by offering to buy favor through a lawsuit or conversely offering an endowment of ill intended money.
    I am not sure how you live your life and hope you never have to have a sister or daughter exploited by a boy (and then have it shared publicly) and then have the parents of the boy act as though it is acceptable (because it happens all the time…..).
    My goal in this blog and in the others I do is not merely to have an opinion or say something that will garner attention, my goal is to support the argument with evidence.

  11. The parents never accepted the girls (9 of them) sending their child the sexual texts! The girls parents were the ones who tried to bury their slutty girls behavior and blame it on the Nass boy, almost like a girl crying rape after she said “Yes”.

  12. Dear Marcy,
    I feel terribly sorry for you and your lack of understanding regarding parenting. I hope you have not procreated yet and think the following through. The Nass son was raised by parents who IMPLIED it is acceptable to objectify women or he would not have done any of what occurred, even if he thought he would not get caught. Unfortunately, when young boys are allowed to believe it is okay to do anything to a woman because of how she is dressed or might act, but not understand the concept of NO and respect, they do not grow into men. Men are able to respect themselves and the women they are with- anything less is not a man, it is immaturity. The parents of the girl indeed also taught her that she would attract attention with her body rather than by teaching her to expect boys/men to acknowledge her for what is above the shoulders. The girls parents are sadly raising a girl to believe promiscuity is what boys/men want and they have shown her she has no value and need not respect herself. In both cases the parenting is wrong and far off base. It is unacceptable to expect a child to behave when their parents demonstrate everything but love and respect to them growing up. I hope you rethink what you stated because women should not be blamed for wearing a bikini, etc. Men should be blamed for not being able to control impulses which society deems inappropriate, pretty much around the world universally.

  13. Why don’t you understand that the boy was the original recipient of the the girls naked texts! And he is to blame? Maybe you should revisit the facts! The recipient got in trouble, not the senders? That is nuts!

  14. Dear Marsha – So, using your sense of logic, Nass Jr. was too stupid or immature to tell his parents a young woman sent this video, it EMBARRASSED him and could they help him in talking to her or her parents to prevent this from continuing. And, since Nass Jr. was such the VICTIM, he did not wish to remove the video from his computer because just like a notch on a bed post, his being able to exploit this young lady by replaying the video at his will or in this case, his friends playing it at their will was more mature. It is entirely up to you if this is the type of person you would be friends with, defend or date. The comment(s) you are writing tells me more about you than anything., You may wish to look in the mirror and find out why you feel compelled to defend such bad behavior.

  15. Marsha, Marcy, Randolfo – I looked at your singular e-mail address as your lack of logic and returning over and over to this lack of logic made me think you were one and the same person. You either are the same person or you have multiple personalities who share the e-mail address. You are not fooling anyone because reasonable people can read your responses and notice the writing style is the same in each case as the mis-application of logic.

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